Given my inveterate tendency to classify and categorize people, phenomenon and things into general divisions; I couldn't help but classify the girls around us into two categories. One, who stand up to our expectations. They can be further classified into friends, 'good girls', 'oh-that-girl's and girlfriends (Though this may go further, but by my experience I know only as much).
And second, who don't stand up to our expectations. No sub-classification is needed, as by consensus, gentlemen have settled over putting them all under a single collective noun: Sluts.
Its worth a mention here that there are no sharply defined boundaries between the two classes. She is your friend today, you have a nasty quarrel and she is declared a slut with immediate effect. In contrast to other social divisions formed by mankind, class permeability is exemplary in this case.
Every human has the desire to feel good and comfortable. I have seen boys spending a large chunk of their monthly allowances into clothes and accessories which would make them feel good about themselves. Ripped jeans, t-shirts would flashy slogans, spikes, colored hairs, name it. No 'cool' guy would like to move around in 1920's plain shirt on a trouser with its ends worn out. Yet, the salwar-kameez-dupatta remains the only acceptable form of attire for a girl to be considered well mannered, cultured and most importantly, un-slutty. In many societies to this date, if a girl chooses to go for trendy dresses, she is a slut. We watch this actor on television doing this hairdo, tucking his shirts this particular way; and next day we arrive at college with our hairs cut without a sense of proportion, top couple of buttons on the shirt undone and more than a hint of a Jockey red strap visible below the waist line. That doesn't earn us names like 'monkey' or 'loafer', but a 'hero'. On the other hand, if this girl comes to a party wearing a nice makeup with stilettos, skirts and a trendy top, she is a slut. Not as much in the metros, but in lesser urban parts of India, definitely.
This isn't the end of the story. Even if a girl agrees to settle for salwar-kameez-dupatta 365x24x7, she still has miles to dash before she can finally outrun this 'slut' tag which chases her constantly. For example, she has to be a lesbian when it comes to making friends. If she laughs, parties and hangs out with her gang, which happens to have some male members, she is an 'absolute slut' as she is supposed to be allowing 'intimate rights' to every member of the gang. More the number of female friends a boy has, the more uber-cool, sophisticated, chique is he; although by analogy, he should be considered nothing less than a pimp.
We meet people, we fall in love, we get into relationships. Sometimes it works and lasts long, sometimes it doesn't. So we break up. Again, we meet somebody else, the ashes are set to fire again, and the things repeat. The philosophy of "one-love-in-one-life" is perfect, but its not engraved on the face of the other person if he's your One Love. We may discover him in one go, or we may discover him eventually, or never at all. This seems to work very well with the male gender. They break up with a girl, add a tally mark in the list, and move to another. When guys would meet, often they'd proudly discuss who got more tally marks.
However, girls, foolish, impractical though we tag them, are somehow expected to find the love of their lives in just one go! If she has moved on to another person after a breakup, she is a slut!
From where I see it, girls who care about this tag don't really have choices apart from running on the whims of the chauvinist. But gradually they are growing to be indifferent to it. A couple of decades back, girls couldn't dare sport a low waist; very few of them had male friends; and falling in love was an affair confided only to one's heart. As globalization percolated, they moved on to jeans and skirts and more outfits I do not know the names of (tube top, tank top appear familiar and heard of, but I am not sure how they look!), they began to hang out with guys, they became more and more vocal and bold. But the roots, they are the same as of our mothers, our grandmothers. Being involved in male company doesn't make them promiscuous like their counterparts in the West. Being bold doesn't make them as haughty as to shed the responsibilities entrusted by their mothers. She continues to be somebody's World's Best Sister, somebody's beloved daughter, playing all roles the same way as her mother did. She is independent, earning more than enough for her family, yet divorce is still a taboo to her, a resort next to death. She is a sweet little bird, longing to fly out into the open. Chauvinists fear that she'll no more be a slave of theirs to be kept in a cage. Set her free, let her fly! For this cage of chauvinism, anyway, isn't strong enough to immure her for long.
P.S.- I am NOT a feminist.
And second, who don't stand up to our expectations. No sub-classification is needed, as by consensus, gentlemen have settled over putting them all under a single collective noun: Sluts.
Its worth a mention here that there are no sharply defined boundaries between the two classes. She is your friend today, you have a nasty quarrel and she is declared a slut with immediate effect. In contrast to other social divisions formed by mankind, class permeability is exemplary in this case.
Every human has the desire to feel good and comfortable. I have seen boys spending a large chunk of their monthly allowances into clothes and accessories which would make them feel good about themselves. Ripped jeans, t-shirts would flashy slogans, spikes, colored hairs, name it. No 'cool' guy would like to move around in 1920's plain shirt on a trouser with its ends worn out. Yet, the salwar-kameez-dupatta remains the only acceptable form of attire for a girl to be considered well mannered, cultured and most importantly, un-slutty. In many societies to this date, if a girl chooses to go for trendy dresses, she is a slut. We watch this actor on television doing this hairdo, tucking his shirts this particular way; and next day we arrive at college with our hairs cut without a sense of proportion, top couple of buttons on the shirt undone and more than a hint of a Jockey red strap visible below the waist line. That doesn't earn us names like 'monkey' or 'loafer', but a 'hero'. On the other hand, if this girl comes to a party wearing a nice makeup with stilettos, skirts and a trendy top, she is a slut. Not as much in the metros, but in lesser urban parts of India, definitely.
This isn't the end of the story. Even if a girl agrees to settle for salwar-kameez-dupatta 365x24x7, she still has miles to dash before she can finally outrun this 'slut' tag which chases her constantly. For example, she has to be a lesbian when it comes to making friends. If she laughs, parties and hangs out with her gang, which happens to have some male members, she is an 'absolute slut' as she is supposed to be allowing 'intimate rights' to every member of the gang. More the number of female friends a boy has, the more uber-cool, sophisticated, chique is he; although by analogy, he should be considered nothing less than a pimp.
We meet people, we fall in love, we get into relationships. Sometimes it works and lasts long, sometimes it doesn't. So we break up. Again, we meet somebody else, the ashes are set to fire again, and the things repeat. The philosophy of "one-love-in-one-life" is perfect, but its not engraved on the face of the other person if he's your One Love. We may discover him in one go, or we may discover him eventually, or never at all. This seems to work very well with the male gender. They break up with a girl, add a tally mark in the list, and move to another. When guys would meet, often they'd proudly discuss who got more tally marks.
However, girls, foolish, impractical though we tag them, are somehow expected to find the love of their lives in just one go! If she has moved on to another person after a breakup, she is a slut!
From where I see it, girls who care about this tag don't really have choices apart from running on the whims of the chauvinist. But gradually they are growing to be indifferent to it. A couple of decades back, girls couldn't dare sport a low waist; very few of them had male friends; and falling in love was an affair confided only to one's heart. As globalization percolated, they moved on to jeans and skirts and more outfits I do not know the names of (tube top, tank top appear familiar and heard of, but I am not sure how they look!), they began to hang out with guys, they became more and more vocal and bold. But the roots, they are the same as of our mothers, our grandmothers. Being involved in male company doesn't make them promiscuous like their counterparts in the West. Being bold doesn't make them as haughty as to shed the responsibilities entrusted by their mothers. She continues to be somebody's World's Best Sister, somebody's beloved daughter, playing all roles the same way as her mother did. She is independent, earning more than enough for her family, yet divorce is still a taboo to her, a resort next to death. She is a sweet little bird, longing to fly out into the open. Chauvinists fear that she'll no more be a slave of theirs to be kept in a cage. Set her free, let her fly! For this cage of chauvinism, anyway, isn't strong enough to immure her for long.
P.S.- I am NOT a feminist.
A closeted feminist like me cannot agree more to your, to "this" train of thought. Wonderful choice of words. Good Job my friend. Spread the word. She will be free, I know, I know!
ReplyDeleteWe have always had the same line of thinking, big brother! I am pleased to see the we concur still!! :)
ReplyDeleteShe shall be free!
This article deals with the urban girls, so I'll talk about them only. Many girls don't care about the chauvinists and so good for them. But those who do, continue to entangle themselves unintentionally into the whims of the mystics and end up loosing their freedom and perception of right and wrong into their hands.
ReplyDeleteits something every girl would like to tell to the society. i am glad it came through you and that too so beautifully.
ReplyDelete